Bad behavior in video-gaming realm
Q. Mary Jo, if you could hear some of the vile and mean things the teenage boys (and men) say to our 15-year-old daughter on the video-gaming discords, you’d wonder where these boys’ moms and dads are. If a woman dares to enter their gaming space, and actually beats them, it’s an unusual day when she isn’t threatened with rape. We need to take stock of just how badly we have been failing with these teenage boys and young men and find ways to correct course. Thoughts from your experience with teens? – Concerned Father
Mary Jo’s Response: I appreciate you reaching out. As a “seasoned” individual with no gaming experience, I was saddened and shocked to hear of this disrespect. I agree completely – we must educate. My first concern dealt with how teens are handling this. I sought teen wisdom from our peer educators and the teens who attend our Common Ground Teen Center.
I asked: How common is this behavior? Do you encounter threats and mean reactions on video- gaming discords?
19-year-old: It’s extremely common in the gaming community. It’s full of men who are treated badly in life, so they pick on people they perceive as weaker.
13-year-old: Absolutely.
18-year-old: It’s extremely true.
16-year-old: It’s common. It’s exactly the same thing when girls want to play “boys” sports like football. They are treated as if they “can’t do it” without them being given a chance to try.
14-year-old: I can definitely say it is a lot more common than it should be, yeah.
15-year-old: When you put teenage boys at a power imbalance – via character “ranking” or “skin” in a space where there is no moderator, with strangers, it gets dicey. There’s no mutual respect between people and things can quickly escalate.
I then asked: Do you share what happens on gaming sites with your parents? Do you think you should share?
15-year-old: I don’t tell my parents. I don’t want my game privileges taken away. I know that’s not smart, and now that we’re talking about this openly, I’m re-evaluating my opinion. When it happens again, I think I’ll tell them.
14-year-old: It would be beneficial to tell parents or report the behavior directly to the game. It might be against the game’s code of conduct. If you don’t report it, it won’t stop.
18-year-old: I think teens should tell their parents. It may come with the unfortunate consequence of monitoring the teen more online or even taking away that privilege altogether, but the teen would be put in a safer position.
I’ll investigate education to address this behavior next week.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.